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Rape within Marriage….

While I was riding to work last week, I listened to a popular radio station that is hosted by comedian Steve Harvey.  During the segment called “The Strawberry Letter”, Steve’s cohost reads a letter written by a listener who are seeking advice for an issue in their life.

Last week, a wife wrote about her husband. She said he always wants sex. She explained that he watches porn, leaves her vulgar notes, lays out lingerie for her and of course sends her sexually explicit text messages. She has discussed with him that their sexual needs aren’t the same & explained there are times when he has wanted sex and she hasn’t. He gets upset and irritated when she doesn’t participate the way he wants her to &  becomes forceful. He is a recovering drug addict so she feels “he has traded one addiction for another”. He has forced her to have sex & she’s explained to him that this was rape.  She goes on to say that she is ready to leave the marriage.

The issue I have with this letter in particular? Mr. Harvey’s response about the alleged “rape”. He ridicules the wife for using the word.
He repeatedly demands that she make sure “rape” is the right word to use for the event she described. His response was loud and belittling.  Mr. Harvey obviously made a determination that the wife was not raped and he was very clear in vocalizing his opinion about her easy use of the word.

I’m saddened because what about other women who may be in situations like this who actually value what he says? I don’t think they will reach out for the help they need.  I think that some men do feel like they are owed and guaranteed sex from their wives. There are men who believe their wives are their property.  Rape isn’t always perpetuated by someone a woman doesn’t know. She can be violated by the very man she took vows with, or the man who lays next to her each night. When a woman decides and expresses that she does not want to participate in a sexual act and is then forced to, its rape. I don’t care if its her boyfriend of 12 years or husband of 2 months. No means NO & Mr. Harvey could obviously use some educating on this issue.


  1. mpietila says:

    I really like your blog because it shows what society is thinking. Steve Harvey’s statement that she was not being raped definitely reflects society’s ideas. Because the two are married, society thinks it is not possible for a husband to rape his wife. The reasoning behind this idea is that the woman chose to enter the marriage, completely knowing that sex was to be included. This is horrible. Just because someone is married, does not give them the right to force themselves onto their spouse sexually.

  2. falmuhan says:

    Its just ignorance… people assume that a husband can do whatever he wants with his wife. some don’t understand that a husband can rape his wife, they think that its the husband’s rights and he can do it whenever he wants whether she approves it or not…

  3. farteaga2013 says:

    Thank you for bringing awareness by blogging about this issue. I agree with the last comment. No means no regardless if the person saying no is your date, girlfriend or your wife. When one marries another, we vow to respect the other person. Respect is shown in many ways but even more when sex is involved. Some men believe that just because you marry, you’re automatically guaranteed sex for life. this is never the case. Sex should always be done with two consenting adults. This rule should always be followed regardless if you’re single or married.

  4. lysaleh says:

    I agree with you completely. That’s so frightening to think about, having a husband like that. I think the wife was spot-on in using the term “rape,” and Steve Harvey needs to check himself on that.

  5. maelsaye says:

    Steve Harvey is known to be outspoken and his opinions should be taken with a grain of salt. I do believe that rape within marriage is entirely possible. Just because you’re married to a woman does not mean you can force her to have sex with you when she is not in the mood. This is a simple fact that many middle schoolers know and Steve Harvey should be ashamed that he does not know the definition of rape.

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