While I was riding to work last week, I listened to a popular radio station that is hosted by comedian Steve Harvey. During the segment called “The Strawberry Letter”, Steve’s cohost reads a letter written by a listener who are seeking advice for an issue in their life.
Last week, a wife wrote about her husband. She said he always wants sex. She explained that he watches porn, leaves her vulgar notes, lays out lingerie for her and of course sends her sexually explicit text messages. She has discussed with him that their sexual needs aren’t the same & explained there are times when he has wanted sex and she hasn’t. He gets upset and irritated when she doesn’t participate the way he wants her to & becomes forceful. He is a recovering drug addict so she feels “he has traded one addiction for another”. He has forced her to have sex & she’s explained to him that this was rape. She goes on to say that she is ready to leave the marriage.
The issue I have with this letter in particular? Mr. Harvey’s response about the alleged “rape”. He ridicules the wife for using the word.
He repeatedly demands that she make sure “rape” is the right word to use for the event she described. His response was loud and belittling. Mr. Harvey obviously made a determination that the wife was not raped and he was very clear in vocalizing his opinion about her easy use of the word.
I’m saddened because what about other women who may be in situations like this who actually value what he says? I don’t think they will reach out for the help they need. I think that some men do feel like they are owed and guaranteed sex from their wives. There are men who believe their wives are their property. Rape isn’t always perpetuated by someone a woman doesn’t know. She can be violated by the very man she took vows with, or the man who lays next to her each night. When a woman decides and expresses that she does not want to participate in a sexual act and is then forced to, its rape. I don’t care if its her boyfriend of 12 years or husband of 2 months. No means NO & Mr. Harvey could obviously use some educating on this issue.