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No Kids for You??

A friend & I were having a discussion about life; marriage, kids, etc. and it’s so funny because we both agreed that it seems as soon as a man & woman wed the 1st question that comes after they say I Do is usually “When are you going to start having kids?”.  Most people are asked as soon as their reception starts! I think people forget that marriage itself is a JOB. It takes hard work, sacrifice, dedication, and so much more to make a marriage work and adding children to a new union is not always a great idea.

Also, many people make the assumption that every couple wants children. I used to think this way. I had a friend who was very firm in her decision to not become a mother. I used to ask myself if something was wrong with her. I was one of those people who assured her that she would change her mind. I now know that it’s not every woman’s hearts desire to be a mother and I’m perfectly fine with that.

I can appreciate a woman & a man knowing what he/she wants and doesn’t want. Children are hard, just like marriage they don’t come with step by step instructions. There’s a lot of trial and error involved, there’s sacrifice, puberty, sex talks, long days, longer nights, and though most parents eagerly await the day their kids turn 18, so the child can be “cut off”; parental responsibilities don’t stop, it’s a lifetime commitment. There aren’t any vacation days, or paid time off, no sick days and no extra pay for working holidays.

We have to accept the fact that there are people whose idea of family doesn’t involve any offspring.

There are people who just don’t like kids. Have you ever been in a store and listened to the way kids act?
Some people are dedicated to their careers and feel that a child doesn’t or wouldn’t ever fit into their life. I’ve even heard people say that they are too selfish and self centered for children. I can respect all of these reasons. I’m not so close minded(anymore). I have no criticism for those who know themselves obviously better than I do!

Instead of criticizing those who don’t want children, we should appreciate the fact that they know their limits and recognize their boundaries. It would be nice if we all did.


  1. analyg says:

    This is a great topic. I work with a girl, who is dating an older guy, she’s 21 and he’s 35. The age difference makes a difference first of all. But she is set that she does not want children of her own (he has a child already), and she is unsure if she even wants to get married. She says she isn’t the type to have the deal of marriage, and if she’s happily dating someone, then that’s that. That’s just how some people are. I, on the other hand, am currently engaged and I am excited to become married. It all depends on the person. I think a lot of people assume everyone’s goal is to end up happily married with kids, and that’s not true.
    There are many parents of people my age that have a hard time seeing why they wouldn’t get married, because before this generation, it was such a common thing to do and that was just the end goal. Like you said, marriage and children are both full time jobs with lots of responsibility. “Lifetime commitment” was a good thing to say, because it is absolutely true. The important thing is to be open minded to everyone’s choices and to be respectful of what they want!

  2. heralex27 says:

    This is a wonderful post. You address a common issue quite well.

    I want kids. But I can absolutely see why people would not.

    I think with each new generation our society is realizing that this is no longer the baby-boomer age.

  3. lysaleh says:

    Well said! I’d rather someone that sees themself as too self-centered to avoid having kids if they don’t think they should. Not everyone is meant to raise a family, as you said, and there is nothing wrong with not having children.

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