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Family Systems & Motherhood

As we were talking in class the other day about women’s roles in a family institution and their ability to be mothers or not, it really had me thinking. All my life I have thought that I would want to be a wife and have kids and all that accompanies those things, but in the past few years, I find myself wondering if that is what I really want. While my views on marriage are still basically the same, I feel I am more realistic than most in realizing that marriage is not all that it is really cut out to be. It’s not all butterflies and roses and a lot of what will make a marriage work is compromise and team work. But as far as having kids goes, I find myself questioning if I want that at all.

I am only 23 years old, which I know is still young and I don’t have to be setting anything in stone as far as my future family life goes, but I often find myself torn with the idea of children or not. The idea that was brought up in class, that most women feel like children are the only way to fully fulfill one’s life, is an idea I find myself having sometimes. Honestly, at this point in my life I feel like the only reason I would have kids is because I don’t want to be in my 50’s, no longer having an option, and regretting that I never did. I am a very cynical person, often letting the bad of the world outweigh the good in my mind, and wonder if it is a good idea to even bring children into this world.

One of the slides mentioned the assumption that there is “something wrong with women if they choose not to have children”, and I see this assumption also holding weight on my (very premature) decision. It is just crazy how society expects everyone to travel the same path that is considered “normal”. Go to school, graduate high school, go to college, get married, have children. To many people, this is what is expected, and once one stage is completed, people begin to ask when the next stage will commence. I feel this puts a lot of unneeded and unfair pressure on people, particularly on women. Just because that path is one that the majority of people feel they want to take, it is not one that everyone may want to take and until people understand that, the pressure will be forever existent.

1 Comment

  1. tlhays says:

    I am definitely struggling with the ideas of becoming a wife and mother. I use to believe that this was something I wanted but, now that I get closer to graduation I am totally thinking I want something else. My issue is that my boyfriend wants his first child at 25 and at one time I agreed because I would be out of college but that’s next year. I know that I am abosolutely not ready to be a mother yet. My fear is that I’ll earn my degree and then won’t be able to utilize it. I still have traveling that I would like to do and let’s be honest, children definitely can put a hold on that. I just don’t want to be one of those people that becomes older and then has to sit and wonder whether or not I’ve done everything that I wanted to do in my life. I had a given age range as to when I would like to start a family but, I don’t think it stands anymore.

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