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It does not matter.

I have been moved twice now in this class.  The first being after I read Shame-O-Phobia by David Wexler and the second time today after class (3/18/2013).  This is a soap box post.

At the end of class I overheard a comment (it is paraphrased): “So what, when I pick a girl up from a bar I am supposed to take the girl to a police station and sign a consent form to have sex with her?”  This kind of talk outrages me.  Yes, if you are asking this question, then yes, do that. First, if you are driving home from a bar where you picked a girl up, a couple topics come to mind.  She is drunk and you are not, because you are driving.  If you take her home and have sex with her; THAT IS RAPE.  It does not matter if she consents to it. It does not matter.  Listen, IT DOES NOT MATTER.  As federal law states below, when under the influence of a substance a person is “incapable of consenting.”  This IS rape. Do not rape.  Second, are you drunk driving a random girl to your house from the bar?  Now, two lives are in danger because you are looking for an easy hookup.  This individual was incapable of seeing the implications of trying to have sex with a drunk female.  Worse, the female in the group exiting class was not disagreeing with him.  To me, she seemed content with the comments he was making.  It does not matter if it is male or female.  If it is reported, there will be an investigation and chances are, the accused will be sitting in court.

FEDERAL LAW

10 USC 920 – Article 120 Rape and sexual assault generally, section b.3.A states that ” [any person who] commits a sexual act upon another person when the other person is incapable of consenting to the sexual act due to— impairment by any drug, intoxicant, or other similar substance, and that condition is known or reasonably should be known by the person.”

The following statements are of my own words and have no scientific proof (that I know of).  They are my thoughts on male rape.  A drunk male can be and is raped.  Society promotes the sexual male.  Males promote and make competition out of sex with those in a males group.  I believe almost every male has been raped and does not realize he has been because of the pressure put on him to have sex.  Have you ever had that hookup you feel bad about?  The hookup that is considered your “fat chick” hookup you have to have at least once to be considered a real man?  Guess what, you have probably been raped.  You don’t realize it, but the “ugly” girl you didn’t notice at the party noticed you.  Just like you notice all the “hot” girls and are attempting to hook up with them, she is scoping for the drunkest males.  She watches as you get rejected then swoops in with a drink.  You wake up the next morning running for the hills and your buddies are poking fun at you for getting with the “ugly” one.

You have been raped, but the prestige of being a man who has had sex is to much.  Even those with no “game” will be jealous that you at least got with someone. You don’t realize it, but those feelings of guilt and shame are what some girls are feeling when they hook up with you after drinking.  Alcohol and sex, generally, do not mix.  In most cases, someone is being raped.  Our peers, and pressures of being a male or female, keep us from reporting the rape.  Pressures include, but are not limited to: The feelings of guilt of getting someone else in trouble, “I deserved it” statements, peers brushing it off as just a random hookup, nobody caring about how you feel, the list can go on.  In the end, do not rape.

Congress law taken from the website: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/10/920


5 Comments

  1. Stephanie Jones says:

    I was shocked when I read your paraphrased account of what one person said after class. No, you’re not supposed to take her to the police station and sign a consent form; you’re supposed to be a responsible human being and not take advantage of someone who has been drinking. Plain and simple.

    You brought up an interesting point of men being raped without actually considering it rape. I’ve never really thought about it like that before, but I think you’re right; by the legal definition of rape, this very well might be legally considered rape.

    As for that video you posted, when I first started watching, I thought “great, another ‘how not to get raped’ video” but I was happy to find that it wasn’t. Society focuses too much on teaching women how not to get raped, while ignoring a more important aspect: teaching men not to rape. I think this video did an excellent job going against the norm and focusing on teaching not to rape in the first place, and I really appreciated you adding it to your blog post.

  2. dsielski says:

    What about two people, both drunk at the bar that both want to have sex? Then the next day, both of them see it as fine and nothing else happens. That is not rape. I feel as though you think that if a person, or both people, have any alcohol in their system, it is automatically rape. It’s not! Furthermore, what if a girl tells a man before they go to the bar that she wants to have sex after and both of them get drunk at the bar and then have sex, both willingly. It is not fair for a girl to be able to say the next day that she really didn’t want to and that she only did because she had alcohol in her system. If that be the case, then the man has an equal right to say the same thing! Can the man say he was raped? Can they both say they were raped at the same time???? You’re missing the point completely with the whole bar scenario and took it totally out of context.

  3. jtfick says:

    Dsielski, you made an interesting point. From personal experience, I have heard a young woman go out with friends one night to the bar and drink claiming that she wanted to hook up with someone that night. Now, when that woman gets what she originally wanted at the end of the night, a one night stand, would it be right for her to later claim she was raped? I mean, she clearly had the mindset to get laid while intoxicated. Would that be prior consent with her friends being witnesses? But then if they are her friends and she later claimed it was rape, which of those friends wouldn’t defend her? I feel a situation like this is very unfair.

  4. b3ek3r says:

    The man can say he was raped, that was one of my original intentions with writing the post in the first place. If both are consenting then of course it is okay for them to have sex. Men are told because, statistically, they ARE the ones raping.

    Listen, the main point here is to just not engage in sexual relations while under influence of any substance. Either party could easily say they were raped, and under the law they would have a case. There are of course circumstances where that is okay, but I wouldn’t pick girls up from the bar to do it.

    @jtfick, you are completely correct, all her friends would defend her. How often do you think this actually happens though? It seems a very rare case that someone goes out looking for a complete stranger to put in jail… On the other hand, you shouldn’t feel like it is unfair though, because you can make the choice to not be in that situation in the first place.

    Men, please listen to me. Stop thinking with your cocks and think with your brain. Does a situation seem like it would be unfair? Then don’t do it. Are you in a place where you say “hey, this girl may call rape on me after?” Just don’t do it. Get the phone number, be respectful, and figure it out when neither of you are under a mind altering substance.

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