Recently I was scrolling through Tumblr when I came upon this post that really got me thinking about this whole idea of “friend-zoning’ and how absolutely ridiculous and one-sided it is against women.
“In pop culture, girls who crush hopelessly on guys they can’t have are painted as just that – hopeless. Over and over again, we’re taught that girls who openly express sexual or romantic interest in guys who don’t want them are pitiable, stalkerish, desperate, crazy bitches. More often than not, they’re also portrayed as ugly – whether physically, emotionally or both – in order to further establish their undesirability as an objective fact. Both narratively and, as a consequence, in real life, men are given free reign to snub, abuse, mislead and talk down to such women: we’re raised to believe that female desire is unseemly, so that any consequent shaming is therefore deserved. There is no female-equivalent Friend Zone terminology because, in the language of our culture, a man’s romantic choices are considered sacrosanct and inviolable. If a girl has been told no, then she has only herself to blame for anything that happens next – but if a woman says no, then she must not really mean it. Or, if she does, she shouldn’t: the rejected man is a universally sympathetic figure, and everyone from moviegoers to platonic onlookers will scream at her to just give him a chance, as though her rejection must always be unfounded rather than based on the fact that he had a chance, and blew it. And even then, give him another one! The pathos of Single Nice Guys can only be eased by pity-sex with unwilling women that blossoms into romance!”
|—||Lamenting the Friendzone, or: The Nice Guy Approach to Perpetuating Sexist Bullshit (via expensivebirdcage)|
Before reading this quote, I had never really realized that there was no male equivalent to the friend-zone. A guy never friend-zones a girl, he either rejects her or pursues her. But there’s no sugarcoating to it. When looking at a situation where a girl “friend-zones” the guy, it seems that there is a repetitive pattern of perceiving the “friend-zoned” subject as the victim, the nice-guy who finished last. While the friend-zoner is perceived as this villain who’s out to break every nice-guys heart. Over and over again in movies, song lyrics and real life situations I find myself seeing the same situation; A guy complaining about being “friend-zoned” after he was “lead on”. Granted, I’m sure in some situations the girl may have actually lead the guy on, however, in most of the situations I’ve experienced and seen, a guy will attest to being “friend-zoned” and “lead on” after a girl had two solid conversations with him, or was his lab partner for the week, or lent him her notes from the class he missed. It just seems ridiculous that society seems to think women almost owe it to men to like them, and if they don’t they’ve friendzoned a nice guy and he’s the victim in the situation. What’s even more appalling is the fact that there’s no gender equivalent to the friendzone for men. So if a guy rejects a girl, it’s her fault, he’s the victim. She’s the one that was expressing interest when he clearly didn’t want it. It just seems unfair that the lines are completely blurry in situations like these, and for women, it seems like they’re portrayed as either the girl who’s standards are too high and shot down the nice guy or the girl who’s crazy and stalkerish and is “hopelessly” in love with someone she has no chance with.