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Textual Harassment

This particular reading (written in 2010 by Donna St.George) struck me in a “See! I told ya so!” kinda way. I have had several of these moments over the past few years. I was divorced October 22,2010 after 17 years of living with a controlling and abusive spouse. I must say that just typing this little bit does prove to be incredibly difficult. My past oppression is now my driving force. It would great if I could give everybody the answer they want to hear when it comes to the why’s and how come’s of abuse. Hell, I want them! After much therapy, with a therapist that was invested!(shout out to Chris) and a strong support system, as well as lots and lots of internal research and ,finally, education, I’m able to sort of look back a little at a time; bit by tiny bit.Texts

I’m often hesitant to share my experiences publicly. At the start of my journey, I had one goal: Stopping the abuse against women and children. I figured I could change the world because I had lived to tell the tale! I made it through. I’m living proof! Easy peasy! Be brave, tell everybody who will listen, speak out in public…you’re safe here, this is your forum to get this advocate-ball-rolling! As it turns out, nowhere is safe. Not enough are willing to listen and worse yet, many view this topic as a taboo. I AM A SURVIVOR OF ABUSE! I’m tired of feeling afraid! I’m tired of being quiet! Mostly, I’m tired of being made to feel as though I somehow failed in life by becoming a victim! Im tired of the words associated with it. I have had fellow class-mates (female) question my intelligence, my integrity and my overall character. It’s a harsh reality let me tell you! The problem I faced was being able to explain any of this in ways that made sense. Abuse is a slow process. Almost like a cancer, you don’t even know you have it until it has spread. I’m hoping to help bring awareness to this topic as much and as often as possible. My main goal is to shine light in the dark corners or, as mostly referred to, as red flags.TextsTexts

Control is the number one goal for an abuser. The article says texts/texting are great ways to communicate so long as you want to receive them. The problems is when you don’t want them. I relate to this because I had to deal with this type of harassement, as well as several others, by my ex-husband. I am posting actual texts that were saved for use as evidence in my court case. When this was happening, yes, I did call the police. Yes, I called my cell phone provider. Yes, I told my attorney. Guess what I was told……change your number…yeah that worked! I was unemployed trying to find work, trying to find a place to live (SAFELY) and I had not one cent! That was the plan! Change your number, problem solved! See, the problem with all of that was not the obvious bullshit! I was being tortured! Never a moments rest! Military tactics he’d learned were being used to mess with my head! Make it stop! Please, somebody, make it stop; it hurts so much!Texts It was tearing me apart inside because I’m legally divorced and the law can’t or won’t intervene to help. Finally, I decided “Ok, I’m saving all of these. I’m gonna make copies and save them. In my mind, it felt like the only chance I had to show the world that I’m not crazy or crying wolf! I was being harassed, bullied and threatened! I shouldn’t have had to ignore it. This shouldn’t be happening to anyone for any reason. My sincere hope is that after reading this, along with a few of the texts, there will be a greater understanding of one of the many, many ways a person can find themselves in an abusive relationship. As I stated in the begining, it’s a slow process with many twists and turns. This is just one possible symptom of the disease. As always, I will end with a thought. Do you know somebody that is getting way too many texts? Are they at all inappropriate or threatening? Does the receiver of them feel obligated to answer, no matter the consequences? Are there other signs? It is up to us, as a society, to protect those that need it most.Texts


4 Comments

  1. meerkat93 says:

    As someone who is a survivor of physical and emotional child abuse, I am so happy to find someone else who is not ashamed of their past and has the strength to rise above it. All the same, it is so hard to read this post because while I don’t understand your pain completely (my abuse came from a parent, not a spouse) I know what it is like to have no money, no idea what is normal and what is abusive, and nowhere to turn for help. You are SO brave to post such a personal story and the photos of the text messages. You are helping others by making abuse less taboo and speaking out against it. Abuse happens because of the abuser. It is nothing we did, it is nothing we deserve, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish you all the best on your journey to recovery and complete freedom from someone who clearly doesn’t deserve you.

  2. alemara123 says:

    You are such a brave woman Kim. Most women do not like to talk about their past or a time when they were abused. I know it’s hard to talk about such things, but I think this is the first step in the right way. Because you are strong and brave, I think you are going to win and be something that will light up for other abused women.

  3. jsegrist says:

    I think it’s awesome that you are able to share this publicly with all of us, even though I’m sure it’s not easy. Things like these are a reality, and many women are victims of some sort of abusive in a relationship. I really think survivors of abuse should be heard because they are able to help others who are going through the same thing. Everyone should be speaking out against abuse, it’s such a common thing.

  4. zhassan2013 says:

    I’m sorry you had to go through this. Unfortunately, it is a reality that many women face nowadays and because it is so common, I feel like the state doesn’t devote so much effort into stopping it. I think it all starts at the level of the home. Men who speak to women like this don’t know the value of women. I hope something will be done about this soon and hope you never have to face that again.

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