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Romance:Sweet Love

Love is truly a complicated subject. It is difficult to tell if we are looking for love, or is it romance that we are really after? In her writing “Romance: Sweet Love,” Bell Hooks stresses that love has many sides to it. One of her main arguments is that we love just because we were told while growing up that no matter how tough situations may be “romantic love will be ours.” Girls tend to have an implanted picture in their minds of their prince charming walking through the door at any second and the media plays a major role in this fairy tale way of thinking. In addition to that Hooks mentions that women are portrayed as the “architects” and the “planners” in a project called romance.
When a relationship is established, the term “fell in love” is commonly used. According to Hooks, we say love because we “lack the choice and decision when choosing a partner…it just happens.” Is being in love really a choice that we are not capable of making? I agree with Hooks when she mentions that this way of thinking is useful for men because it would mean that they have no control of what they feel, or that is how they want people to see them so they are not responsible for their actions.
Hook uses therapist Harriet Lerner’s words in her writing. Lerner believes that we choose our lover the same way we choose a household appliance. Now that may seem a bit absurd, but when you think about it, we do often take a step back and we think of the pros and cons before making very big decisions. When it comes to choosing a lover, we always think about our needs and we try to fit potential persons that would qualify. However, there is a problem that arises from that. There most likely wont be a person that will meet all of our qualifications. Hook states “most of us prefer to have a partner who is lacking that no partner at all.”
According to Hook, sex also plays a major role in relationship, but sex does not always mean love. A sexual attraction can be present between two people and that can be mistaken for love; Men make this mistake often, as Hook mentions, because there is great pressure on men to perform sexually, that they don’t take anything else into consideration. On the other hand, women rarely choose sex as a priority for a successful relationship. Hook argues that sex should not be a determination for love because there are many other factors that will lead us to choose love rather than not being able to make a decision about it.

1 Comment

  1. khamida23 says:

    Sarah, I love your choice of article. This is a very interesting topic and is highly debatable.. Friends and I tend to analyze this issue all the time. I also agree with Hook that men tend to fall in love like it “just happened” but I disagree with the reason. I think men feel this way because of their issue with falling for lust rather than love. I am not saying that women cant face this issue as well, I just feel that as much as sex is important to both genders, females tend to crave the typical fairytale love portrayed to us our whole lives. whether you are looking for love, in love, or claim not to want love; we are all in love with the idea of love rather than actually having our own form of it. I also agree with the therapist’s opionion of shopping for love becuase we do use pros and cons, and I do not think that is a bad thing. I think people need to do that more often to know ahead of time what kind of person/life is better suitable for them rather than jumping into things and claiming love.. then claiming divorce in the end.
    All in All, I loved all the issues you discussed in this article blog.

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